Project 3: Investigating, Creating & Self Appraisal

Challenging My Proposal

Following my tutor feedback on my proposal I re-read and scribbled notes and thoughts over the initial print out in my sketchbook. I wanted these to be immediate thoughts that I could review.

One thing which was noted on my feedback was: 'Who is stating the menopause is often called the last taboo ?'

I looked at my research again and found this statement was used by differing sources particularly in relation to the workplace. Unions and employment agencies often refer to the menopause along with mental health being the issues which are not discussed within work environments.

However it is still a very subjective statement and I realised that my project does not rest on the subject being the Last Taboo. I do not want my work to rely on a competition of taboos and which one of them is more important. So I analysed the reason why I wanted to discuss the menopause in terms of a taboo.

I believe my main concern about the menopause is lack of awareness and discussion and why this might be. Building on these thoughts I want look at how I could promote the discussion about the menopause in my work. I believe anything that can help increase discussion will naturally promote other more valuable work to help symptoms and medical issues.

I am not a medic however I am someone who can communicate with others through art and therefore this is where my aims should be.

From my research module I have learnt that taboos, and what they stand for, are constantly changing and evolving, just like our society and us as human beings. So it is very difficult to call something the 'Last Taboo' when it is likely that there will be something in its place very shortly after it falls.

I believe I was approaching the subject rather too clinically by looking at symptoms. In fact what is more interesting to me was how I was experiencing feelings from the menopause myself. Working on how express these through art is important to me.

In order to open up discussion my work has to relate to the onlooker, the visitor, the collaborator. I want to start with my emotions first, to represent how I was feeling at different stages and how I currently am. I am thinking of starting with a series of paintings and drawings to see if I can reflect my feelings and thoughts.

I have been researching women artists and was particularly influences by Judy Chicago's retrospective at The Baltic. Chicago drew and painted scenes from an accident in the 1970s, they were extremely powerful and personal statements as they were so personal. She used words and images to convey how she felt and this is something I would like to look at. I could feel her emotions through these artworks and felt much closer to her as a person than say her Dinner Party piece.

However this is not to diminish The Dinner Party as at the exhibition the film explaining ideas behind each setting and the incredible craftsmanship that went in to it is fabulous.

The 'Dinner Party' made me really think about representation in art. How Chicago's thought process came to decide which colours, icons, shapes are used to represent the women's place settings was really inspiring and has had an effect on how much research went in to every bit of the installation.

In my initial proposal I also mention looking at positive outlooks of the menopause and this is something which can be promoted again to bring discussion. However I am very conscience that I empathise with the pain and suffering of many women at this time. There are positives and negatives and I need to investigate how to balance these in my work.

I also want to consider the menopause in relation to the workplace. Focusing on why many women struggle to get through the working day/week when having menopausal symptoms and how this can be discussed and changed to help them. Both at work and in home life I believe there is an important   issue of  women either consciously or subconsciously trying to hide symptoms from others through fear or embarrassment.

So I am going to look at changing the emphasis of the proposal by increasing feelings over symptoms and see how that allows me more creativity with the subject. I don't feel I should be too literal but want the work to have resonance and connection.

Investigating

My investigations have been through linking in with research for my Critical Review and lead me to look at different artists who have produce work I find inspiring in different ways.

I want to start with what I like from my work and what I feel is finding my own voice.
I wanted to take this course to learn about textiles, I really enjoyed felting - however I have produced very few felted samples for this Level. I want to investigate in my mind why this has come about and what I want to do about it in the future.

I want to understand if more felting is what I really want to do or should I go in other directions ? However I would then like to understand what those potentially are and are they something that is sustainable.

I also want to review and look at the work I have previously produced for my research module and think about what I liked here as well.

Initially taking photos of what I liked from my last assignment when I looked further at what I photographed I realised that these divide in to sections which could help me in the future with taking samples further.

Embroidery

My first embroidery sample of the Uterus

More flowing sample of embroidery

My work was both abstract and graphical which is confusing as I really like both of these ideas. The uterus embroideries just straight continuations in to textiles following on from my drawings and paintings. The second of the two becomes more fluid with line closer to my paintings which I like and can see a link. I didn't really think I would be able to achieve these as my embroidery skills are far from perfect but I think there is a great deal of worth in reviewing them again.

I like the textural element but also the warmth and comfort of an embroidery. Something is happening to a women in an area which effects the whole body and creating embroidery to represent this feels sympathetic to their feelings and acknowledging the need for relaxation and seeing beauty in something which may not be conventionally thought of as such.

The abstract embroidery below is influenced by Bridget Riley work, I went to see a retrospective in Edinburgh and like the idea of working with a limited colour pallet to see how I can create abstract images of hot flushes. These could be in either embroidery or weave/knit, I prefered using the embroidery due to its small scale at this point but a larger piece would be interesting in knitted fabric. It also could make a good border image to something more graphical - may be a quilt or garment.

It keeps my colour palette strong and creates build up of heat and the imagery of hot flushes or flashes coming and going throughout the cycle of a day - this is something I am working on to see how best to visualise.

Paintings and Visualization of Hot Flushes

How do I represent what I feel inside me ?  This is the question constantly in my mind when I am thinking about my work. If I can find a strong way of interpreting this I would be able to settle at an idea on how to move forward. However I have not yet found a way of doing this to fulfill what I am looking for.

Left is mark making of how many flushes in a day and the initial intensity with strong colour in the middle and light on the outside. They are encapsulated in to circles as a holding device - I don't really think it means enough or speaks to me enough. I put this my review as it is spontaneous like hot flushes so does have some relevance, although at this point I am not sure how much.

I chose the next two pieces for their colours and layerings. I love the way the colours merge in to each other representing the waves of heat through a hot flush and the subtlety colour shows the mixture of turbulence within my body.

The paper cut in to strips and roughly embroidered to was to segment the the night sweats and hot flushes and layer them over and over. Representing the individual flush on its own is not very debilitating, but added together with not knowing when the flushes are going to strike and how many there are and the build up through out the day by the end some women are shattered through lack of sleep and embarrassment.

I wanted the stitching to be the anxiety over the softer coloured painting of the flushes themselves. This piece needs building on it is a very rough stage but I felt it did have meaning which I could draw on in the future. I like the different textures but I don't think there is enough depth to give the emotion I want to create.

My painting right is very personal. It shows the flash points of a night sweat looking looking like a heat image scan. . What I like about the picture is that it shows the actual areas of the strongest heat which people may not have realised.

When I first started to research images of the menopause there were a huge amount of images with soft focus flowers which do not resonate with me, I felt patronised. By painting this image I wanted to show something much more personable and straight to the heat. There is no deep meaning it is just as I saw my night sweat but I like its honesty and how raw it is.


Texture

Left is a sample of the many weaves I created. I used the colour of the wool to represent the intensity of heat and feeling within the hot flush. The black represents the worst time and a feeling of hopelessness and dark days of depression. These feelings are often scattered within the day and have a feeling of no rhyme or reason.
I produced a lot of weaves and not sure whether I have run out of steam with them now. They will go on the back burner may be because they feel a little distant to me now in terms of emotional engagement.

On the right is another weave which was much later in the assignment and I wanted to use different textures. I like the different textures and feel this was the right way to move my weaves along, the colours are just what I wanted to achieve. However this too seems to lack engagement so I feel that weaves will need to be incorporated in to another piece. Or I look at how I can make them more personal to me in the future.

 The sample I picked out to the right is hand-dyed deconstructon of hessian and cotton, machine sewn back together. I wanted to play around with the textures and sewing techniques pulling in some wording to create emphasis. However this doesn't really feel a deep enough piece to me now. I would like to get more depth in to what I do. The multimedia weave of uterus and ovaries on a frame feels more engaging to me. Whilst not being perfect in execution there is definitely a depth and connection which is coming through my work so I want to look further in to how multimedia will enhance my work.


New Ideas for my proposal

In my reviews it became clear that I really wanted to emphasis the personal aspects of the menopause so I decided to produce self portraits in differing ways. Starting with felt pen drawings in almost comic book strip idea, following through with a diary idea which I feels works better and allows me to add my thoughts and feelings through out the days.

By looking at infra-red images of the body, I felt I could paint, crayon and draw portraits of the hot flush and build upon the idea of getting more personal art.

Researching Artists

I feel more of an affinity with artists who create emotion in their work.

When I was researching for both my critical review and my proposal, I kept returning to Picasso's Guernica. A monochrome painting with such force and story about suffering that one cannot ignore it. On a visit to Spain I went to visit the town itself and had often wondered whether I would ever see the painting in its flesh, but I did and it didn't disappoint. The force of the painting is still amazing to me and still stops and makes me think about the atrocity that happened.

This painting is a patchwork of people, animals and their feelings, it is in a limited colour palette and yet it has so much realism. I have been effected by this for many years and it's importance to me is not dulled by time.

Whilst this is a mammoth work on a huge scale the painting can be observed in sections, looking at the individual anguish on people's and animal's faces.

Looking at Casey Jenkins work on another so called taboo subject the menstrual cycle entitled  'Casting off My Womb' this is an extremely thought provoking piece of work. Jenkins knitted wool from her vagina for 28 days, the time of a menstrual cycle within a gallery. Jenkins is part of a guerilla crafting group in Queensland, Australia how use their craft to give themselves a political voice.

Guerilla crafting is growing rapidly around the world and helps predominately women to get more of a voice in many situations. It moves further than yarn bombing and speaks more directly on the subject matter.

I love the idea that the crafters are using what has been considered 'little old lady crafts' like crochet and knitting to raise a wide range of different themes. Using soft fabrics comforting materials like wool and cotton to give strong hard messages is a great juxtaposition of ideas.

Self-Appraisal

1. Demonstrate the use of analysis and creative thinking in interpreting and responding to self-initiated and other projects.

From reviewing my proposal several times and looking at my work and ideas I wanted to break down the ideas of how I wanted to raise awareness of the menopause. The initial proposal was broad and when I analysed how I felt about it, I didn't feel as connected as I thought I would be.  After reviewing my work in assignment 2 I wanted to go back to some basic decisions.
1) I want to feel close and engaged to my work
2) I want my work to mean something to me
3) I feel as though I have been through some strong life-changing moments which I want to draw on in my work and help my creativity.
4) Until I had the clarity of my own story it would be difficult to communicate my ideas to others.

I admire artists who create from the soul, what I mean by this is those artists who seem to really connect personally with their work. I wanted to get that stage of really feeling emotionally attached to my work. I am still not sure how this will manifest itself at the end of the project as even going through this assignment I have moved through my initial thoughts after reviewing Assignment 2 work.

When I decided I wanted to create my proposal on the menopause I started with the idea of challenging society in different ways. My initial ideas were that big gestures would be the way forward to break down the 'taboo' of the menopause. However when I researched in to why the menopause is a taboo subject it struck me that communication would be the way to breakdown the taboo.

This didn't need to be a shout from the rooftops but in a much quieter more personal way I can develop work which is closer to me and shows how I have felt. The idea of my proposal and work will be to instil discussion and communication about the menopause.

However the biggest challenge to me was to allow myself to work on my own personal feelings. I found this huge, it was really difficult to look inwards and start to put my own personal feelings down on paper. I found best way to do this was to look at self portraits and analyse other artists who utilise their own live experiences to create their art.

Sketchbook ideas about conveying night sweats

I also reviewed what I wanted to discuss within the menopause, this is a huge subject so the tiredness and anxiety were feelings I wanted to visualize along with hot flushes and night sweats. I believe by concentrating on a few symptoms I can create more in depth art.

2. Show proficiency in using personal visual language and practical work to communicate ideas effectively.

My personal visual language was to start with myself and look at a range of portraits (many self-portraits) depicting feelings and emotions and my general state of health. Just because I changed the hairstyles on the images did not mean that the person in the art wasn't me, it was still very personal.

Page from sketchbook ideas

After looking at artists such as Judy Chicago, Grayson Perry and Cas Holmes I analysed what resonated with me about their work. What struck me with all these artists was that they were not afraid to put themselves in their art. They all did this in very distinctive and different ways but because there was a personal attachment the stories and views they were creating were very powerful.

 It was the personal aspect of events in day to day living, not being afraid to draw on what I was doing and feeling. This was a big change for me and really pushed me out of my comfort zone.

From these influences I decided to create a sketchbook diary noting relevant information on how I was feeling that day and sketching anything that came in to my head. I created paintings and mixed media samples to play around with ideas and colours. This allowed me freedom to open up, the idea of the diary was always that it was to be read by others and open the dialogue.

Self-portrait on flushes/tiredness

Self-portraits on tiredness

The Hot Flush

I tried to incorporate words in to the visual illustrations in some of the work which still needs refining and giving a little more meaning. I feel I have moved further in to a stage where I am not afraid of combining media and text and visual stimulus within the art. I wasn't doing this to the same refinement in assignment 2 so I believe I am getting more confident with the challenges I have set myself.

Until creating the diary I was stuck with portraits which were not saying very much. Once I started the diary I wanted to create visuals of showing different feelings, actions & poses representing my journey. After looking for photos on the internet which I felt didn't speak in the way I wanted to I realised it was best to create the poses myself.

Reviewing my sketchbook work and the start of my diary, I feel I have moved along way from assignment 2 by focusing on my own journey, however the diary element still needs to be worked on. I want to go back and look at significant times, what happened, how it felt and effected me and others around me. I want to talk this through in textiles and ensure that the link is visible. By chunking down sections of my journey I feel this will help me communicate my voice and ideas better and more coherently.

At the moment I am looking too widely. The piece that I feel has worked was a close up of my face when having a hot flush starting with a pen sketch and then watercolour and then felting and paint.
I like working with felt, it is a very warm feeling and when talking about hot flushes a warm soft texture makes sense in my work.

I want to keep refining my visual language and have felt that the diary idea will help me to that, to reflect on my thoughts and my feelings and from there build a creative voice.

3. Show both the techincal scope and critical and contextual understanding of a chosen textile process or processes.

By reviewing and refining my ideas for my proposal I have looked at new ways of working for me in textiles, I realised that multi-media is my favoured approach. This allows me flexibility to enjoy what I am creating, if I want to paint or stitch to create images I can and then I can see how I can push my boundaries.  I love drawing and painting and want to incorporate this in to my work within the textiles and before this I felt limited in what I could achieve.

Cas Holmes fabric notebooks

The relevance of the subject matter is very contemporary, I wanted to address this but in a very personal way to show how a woman may be feeling at different stages. The more steps I look at an analyse with my own journey the more ideas I work on to how to visualise them.

Cas Holmes as been an inspiration to me, listening to her podcast and looking at her work I started to understand how I can make my work become more personal. The small intricate ideas she works on and her building of creations is very interesting to me, by taking inspiration about how she works I have been able to break down my subject matter to more manageable sections.

Anxiety using fabrics which represent chaos
and concern surrounding image of woman

Thinking of mini projects within my proposals has allowed me to not feel as overwhelmed by the idea of a massive body of work. I have been able to experiment which I feel alot happier with the outcomes I have achieved. There is still a way to go to refine my samples however I am clearer about how I want to progress.

In order to frame the context even further I want to incorporate text within my pieces or information from present day or the past which will help strengthen the position of the relevance of my art. I have been looking at the way Grayson Perry and Tracey Emin use words and statements to underline their visual images and feel this does strengthen their work.

Picasso's Guernica

Another inspirational work is Picasso's Guernica, the painting is so powerful and contains so much emotion I am in awe of how he created this on canvas. The fact that it is in black and white seems to add to the pain and not diminish it which is extremely clever. Whilst talking about an event in WWII the painting does not feel dated the anguish is still raw within the images.

I wanted to use raw emotion and feeling whilst looking at different textures within my pieces. The felt painting I produced is strong in imagery but does not have the same gut feeling as the stitched muslin line work.

4. Demonstrate the ability to develop ideas and sustain a project from its inception to final outcomes that take into account the audience and/or requirements of the client.

I developed my ideas and thoughts in my sketchbook and started to turn this in to more of a diary bringing in thoughts and words as well as visual ideas. From there I looked at different ways to produce my ideas in mixed media, often sketching my ideas first. The diary idea will help me focus on sustaining my ideas, it will allow me to draw out ideas to create finished artworks.

I still need to create a strong individual look for my work which will help. I also want to show my work to groups of people to get feedback and perhaps draw on their stories and experiences to put those within my artwork too.

5. Demonstrating an understanding of how your own work connects with market forces, commission work and/or exhibition opportunities for textile outcomes within the context of contemporary art and design.

The more personal my work is the more it seems to have a relevance to contemporary textile work. I take inspiration from a variety of sources and artists. I looked at Helen Redman's menopause paintings and Marie Bergstedt both have very different ways of creating art, however they both resonated with how I wanted to push my work to a different level.

Marie Bergstedt

The telling of a story within the art is important to me. Bergstedt also drew on stories from others and influences which is something I want to do as well to engage more collaboration within my work. This could be reflecting their journey in the artwork I do or asking them to write words or describe how they were feeling. What colours sum up their moods and textures.

I am still concerned that I haven't really found my own style yet with my proposal, however by deciding to break down the proposal in to mini projects this may help me approach projects in differing styles.

By building my scrapbook of inspiration and adding to it all the time everytime I see something of interest this has helped me understand more about what I like and feel about textiles and the way I want to create my work. I feel my work is changing all the time at the moment, but I don't think of this as a bad thing as long as I continually review and challenge myself and ensure it fits with my proposal.

I feel the more I keep collecting and looking at artists I like and reviewing why and what I like about their work the more I can create and achieve my own style and I do not feel that this is something I need to rush.